So, in my attempts to get back to 136lbs (which usually results in 14% bodyfat...) I've been trying to modify my diet a lot. The days I'm at work, i eat great. Mostly b/c I have an image to keep at work as 'healthy girl', and honestly, I like eating my salads with tuna for dinner and oatmeal for breakfast (i work odd hours, most meals are eaten at work...) and my veggies dunked in cottage cheese -try it, it's awesome.
But on days like today, when I'm home and I worry about my dad's health, things can slide off track. But I'm really trying to keep my eye on the prize... telling people about my goal gives me some degree of accountability. But it was easier to keep my diet in check when I wasn't living at home. In attempts to save money, I'm with my parents again, and so their not-so-great eating habits are in my face every day. My dad LOVES sweets... especially pastry and ice cream. And while I'm lactose intolerant, I have been known to sacrifice the greater good of my bowels for an ice cream bar.
But when i lived with my roommate, I would buy ONLY healthy, clean food. Chocolate and ice cream never set foot into my sections of the pantry/fridge/freezer. When i would come home to visit mum and dad, all i had to do was go back to MY house and it was 'safe' again. I realize that this is an unhealthy/distorted way of looking at things, almost 'restrictive' as my reformed anorexic friends tell me. But it worked. And damn, my legs looked HOT then. I realize that i shouldn't be focusing on what my body looks like compared to what it DOES... the 70 mile weeks and the 50 metres of underwater swimming and the hiking and biking and skydiving. But like any woman, there is a part of me that is convinced that I'd be so much happier if i were just a size 4.
*sigh*
c'mon, 136!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Accountability, part I.
Frig, i feel like Amy Winehouse... or what i assume she feels like on those days where she can actually FEEL anything.
Days like today, where i am super stressed out are the worst for me. I know that i'll eat poorly and that my workouts will suffer and that the sugar I consume will only add to my ass and/or tummy. OK, so i don't really have a TUMMY yet, but i need to get it back to its glory days.
I need to be accountable, and come here on those days where I think i'm going to ruin something for myself.
So this'll be a short post... i just need to tell YOU guys that i'm going to be committed as of RIGHT now. I keep thinking "oh, i screwed up.... well, today is a write off."
Either i eat something i feel guilty about, or i flub a workout or don't finish everything i think i should, and i think i'm totally ruined.
I need to stop being such a quitter... NO MORE EXCUSES!
Flip.
Days like today, where i am super stressed out are the worst for me. I know that i'll eat poorly and that my workouts will suffer and that the sugar I consume will only add to my ass and/or tummy. OK, so i don't really have a TUMMY yet, but i need to get it back to its glory days.
I need to be accountable, and come here on those days where I think i'm going to ruin something for myself.
So this'll be a short post... i just need to tell YOU guys that i'm going to be committed as of RIGHT now. I keep thinking "oh, i screwed up.... well, today is a write off."
Either i eat something i feel guilty about, or i flub a workout or don't finish everything i think i should, and i think i'm totally ruined.
I need to stop being such a quitter... NO MORE EXCUSES!
Flip.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
A clean slate.
I've been reading a lot about the 'Master Cleanse' lately, and my talks with my gym-going friend (as well as mentor, motivator and inspiration...), Wayne, have only encouraged me more to try it. Another blogger, Catra (Dirt Diva), has written about her experiences on the cleanse as well. So, armed with my oh-so gung-ho attitude, I made my way off to Chapters where I bought "The Master Cleanse" and then to Dominion where i stocked up on lemons, grade B organic maple syrup and cayanne pepper.
I started off the first day fine, was well nourished by my previous days meal (probably TOO nourished... but my father brough home sushi and a fruit bowl and Oatmeal Crisp, and i REALLY need to work on my self control...) but as the day progressed, I started feeling a touch of my yearly bout of 'the bark' kicking in.
"The Bark" is what my father has dubbed my astmatic wheeze which usually takes a hold of my respiratory system in September. I guess with it being so warm this year, the symptoms decided to hold off 'till October. That said, I wasn't sure how my body would do right now being cleansed while in the midst of taking medications. Four to six puffs a day of a steroid based medication while purging my body of toxins seems counter intuitive. So I had to stop before I even started. :(
No matter... I have every intention to start cleansing as soon as the bark goes away. I'm hoping to try again for the week of the Angus Glen half marathon (aiming for 1:45... hope to have it cut to sub 1:40 in May...). I always like races to signify or mark a change. My last half marathon marked my "We are recouperated" stage, as I was as good as my worst time pre- injury*. I liked marking "365 days left" on my wipe board for my 1/2 ironman. Maybe it's a type-A personality thing... I'm always recording distances and workouts and sets, reps, calories burned, protein grams consumed. I hate math, but I like working with numbers.
As long as the result is what I like :)
So with that notion in place, I'm going to aim for Nov 4th as the beginning of my cleanse. That way, come my birthday and Christmas, I will be motivated to keep on the 'clean' path I'm resetting for myself.
I miss the days of yore, when it was SO much easier to eat clean 360 days of the year (the other 5 reserved for meals on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, my birthday and post- main event). Getting picked on at home for eating eggwhites and tuna from a can gets annoying, but I'm happy to go back there.
As soon as I have cash to buy my OWN groceries again... i'm being reamed for changing my insurance policy. While it saves me cash over the year, I'm super tight for cash right now, so i'm relegated to eating what's in the house. And when you're burning 3000 calories a day, you tend to really NEED to eat something.
And sometimes, the only thing you have is that damn Oatmeal Crisp... *sigh*.
I need to buy some REAL oatmeal, I know.... i'll clean up my act, I promise.
* - in this case, 'post injury' refers to the stress fracture i suffered in my hip Sept 2006. I've had concussions and vertebrae fractures and plantar fascitits, but The Hip was the only one that really took me down a few notches....physically AND mentally.
I started off the first day fine, was well nourished by my previous days meal (probably TOO nourished... but my father brough home sushi and a fruit bowl and Oatmeal Crisp, and i REALLY need to work on my self control...) but as the day progressed, I started feeling a touch of my yearly bout of 'the bark' kicking in.
"The Bark" is what my father has dubbed my astmatic wheeze which usually takes a hold of my respiratory system in September. I guess with it being so warm this year, the symptoms decided to hold off 'till October. That said, I wasn't sure how my body would do right now being cleansed while in the midst of taking medications. Four to six puffs a day of a steroid based medication while purging my body of toxins seems counter intuitive. So I had to stop before I even started. :(
No matter... I have every intention to start cleansing as soon as the bark goes away. I'm hoping to try again for the week of the Angus Glen half marathon (aiming for 1:45... hope to have it cut to sub 1:40 in May...). I always like races to signify or mark a change. My last half marathon marked my "We are recouperated" stage, as I was as good as my worst time pre- injury*. I liked marking "365 days left" on my wipe board for my 1/2 ironman. Maybe it's a type-A personality thing... I'm always recording distances and workouts and sets, reps, calories burned, protein grams consumed. I hate math, but I like working with numbers.
As long as the result is what I like :)
So with that notion in place, I'm going to aim for Nov 4th as the beginning of my cleanse. That way, come my birthday and Christmas, I will be motivated to keep on the 'clean' path I'm resetting for myself.
I miss the days of yore, when it was SO much easier to eat clean 360 days of the year (the other 5 reserved for meals on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, my birthday and post- main event). Getting picked on at home for eating eggwhites and tuna from a can gets annoying, but I'm happy to go back there.
As soon as I have cash to buy my OWN groceries again... i'm being reamed for changing my insurance policy. While it saves me cash over the year, I'm super tight for cash right now, so i'm relegated to eating what's in the house. And when you're burning 3000 calories a day, you tend to really NEED to eat something.
And sometimes, the only thing you have is that damn Oatmeal Crisp... *sigh*.
I need to buy some REAL oatmeal, I know.... i'll clean up my act, I promise.
* - in this case, 'post injury' refers to the stress fracture i suffered in my hip Sept 2006. I've had concussions and vertebrae fractures and plantar fascitits, but The Hip was the only one that really took me down a few notches....physically AND mentally.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Vulture Bait'd
Sooooo, i cacked out on the 25k. My shoulders and back have been killing me as of late; my coworkers can attest to my out-of-nowhere back spasms that had me splayed in various positions across their desks all day yesterday.
I had paid for this event though, and I had been given the day off work. So i did the next logical thing. I drove the 2.5 hours to the event ( just outside of London...), stripped down to my longsleeve race shirt and short-shorts, and then jaunted to the lodge where i asked to switch to the 10k race.
The organizers swapped my chip, and I happily lined up with the other 10k'ers at 9:15 to run. I'm thinking this was rather fortuitious, since i had been held up in traffic on the 401 where there had been some ridiculous accident, and all east-bound traffic was at a stand-still for about 10 minutes. Due to the wreck, I was running late (no pun intended) and would have likely had a very 'uncomfortable' start to the 25k, bad back or not (this is where those who know me make a face and say "Too much information, Ash").
Regardless, the race started with that loud electronic beep which makes all athletes suddenly want to lurch forward, and lurch we did...
Most technical course I've ever run - i don't know if the 25k loop was this intense but DAMN, i nearly ate dirt three or four times. I went down once, but caught myself and kept my pacer in my sights for most of the race. I DID manage to pass him and hold him off for about 3.5k, but he caught me in the last little bit, and then said "There's one more little rise coming up...." and we gunned it through, the 5 year-old in me holding back a giggle as we punched it to the finish. I crossed the line and then one of the volunteers asked if i could put my "leg up on the picnic table and get your chip off?"
"No, i don't think I can.... i'll grab it myself in a second."
The rest of the volunteers laughed and i managed to squat down and rip it off to toss in the sportstats.com bin to be tabulated later. I think my time was 51:22, since Eric finished at 51:20.
Funny anecdote... once I had crossed the line and had my chip taken off, I heard an older man congratulate me, and then i realized it was the 'guy in red' who I was using as a pacer. We hugged - which now, in retrospect sort of seems strange, but at the time it seemed only natural - and then we did the cursory introductions. Upon hearing him say "I'm Eric.", i suddenly realized that this was the same guy who I chatted with at Sulpher Springs earlier in the year. We laughed and realized that we were getting off the IR rather well. After a bit more chatter and some applause as other racers started crossing the line, we headed into the pavillion for COFFEE (this is why this is now my favourite race ever. They had COFFEE at the fueling station). The awards were handed out, and I had to laugh at the trophy I was handed as it was a gold-coloured Vulture/Turkey-ish bird, giving the thumbs up. I said goodbyes and thank-yous, then jogged to my car, where I promptly called mother with a race result update.
As i headed onto the hiway, I realized that traffic was still a mess, so I had to detour through about half a dozen Blink-And-You'll-Miss-It towns.
Finally made it to the gym at 1:15ish, where I cycled for 45 minutes to losen my legs up and watch some TLC on the new LCD screens.
Again, this was another one of those races where I felt that if i had suddenly got a flat tire, or someone said "No, you need to work at 7am", I would have nodded and given up the chance to run. It's mornings like today when i really question WHY i do it. What was the mental struggle i had this morning, compared to the past 2 races that I did (Nissan 10 mile and the Scotiabank 1/2 marathon). Was it just that it was so dark? So much colder now? Because i haven't stopped tending to a zillion other things that needed to be done since October began 13 days ago?
I wish i knew. I wish there was something that I could do that would negate this feeling of "Ugh, i just want to sleeeeep" when i get up to race. And it's only race days where i have this moment of second-thoughtedness. I can get up at 5am and run my 6 mile (or 10, depending on how fast I move in the mornings...) loop before I start work at 7. Maybe it's just the pressure... I HAVE to perform on these days. There is no stopping to tie a shoe, or adjust my bra. There is no potty-break possibility at the nearest Tim Hortons (which has now, unfortunately, become the one at Kingston and Lawrence...). This is just balls to the walls ( or perhaps ass to the grass?) running where type A personalities converge and try to run each other over. Yes, there is a large degree of comraderie. And we all laugh and joke about things later. But on the course, it's personal. Perhaps I'm not as competitive as I thought... or maybe it's just that I don't like having the option of other people beating me. I know there are many, MANY other runners that are in my same age group that could have kicked my ass on that course. They just weren't there... leaving that 1st place finish open for the taking... so I took it.
Ok... i'm starting to get into running politics, and right now, the P word is making my stomach turn. I think i'll just call it it a night now, so i can get up and run in 8 hours.
Just me and some Toots and the Maytals.
... they seem like they would be very laid-back runners.
I had paid for this event though, and I had been given the day off work. So i did the next logical thing. I drove the 2.5 hours to the event ( just outside of London...), stripped down to my longsleeve race shirt and short-shorts, and then jaunted to the lodge where i asked to switch to the 10k race.
The organizers swapped my chip, and I happily lined up with the other 10k'ers at 9:15 to run. I'm thinking this was rather fortuitious, since i had been held up in traffic on the 401 where there had been some ridiculous accident, and all east-bound traffic was at a stand-still for about 10 minutes. Due to the wreck, I was running late (no pun intended) and would have likely had a very 'uncomfortable' start to the 25k, bad back or not (this is where those who know me make a face and say "Too much information, Ash").
Regardless, the race started with that loud electronic beep which makes all athletes suddenly want to lurch forward, and lurch we did...
Most technical course I've ever run - i don't know if the 25k loop was this intense but DAMN, i nearly ate dirt three or four times. I went down once, but caught myself and kept my pacer in my sights for most of the race. I DID manage to pass him and hold him off for about 3.5k, but he caught me in the last little bit, and then said "There's one more little rise coming up...." and we gunned it through, the 5 year-old in me holding back a giggle as we punched it to the finish. I crossed the line and then one of the volunteers asked if i could put my "leg up on the picnic table and get your chip off?"
"No, i don't think I can.... i'll grab it myself in a second."
The rest of the volunteers laughed and i managed to squat down and rip it off to toss in the sportstats.com bin to be tabulated later. I think my time was 51:22, since Eric finished at 51:20.
Funny anecdote... once I had crossed the line and had my chip taken off, I heard an older man congratulate me, and then i realized it was the 'guy in red' who I was using as a pacer. We hugged - which now, in retrospect sort of seems strange, but at the time it seemed only natural - and then we did the cursory introductions. Upon hearing him say "I'm Eric.", i suddenly realized that this was the same guy who I chatted with at Sulpher Springs earlier in the year. We laughed and realized that we were getting off the IR rather well. After a bit more chatter and some applause as other racers started crossing the line, we headed into the pavillion for COFFEE (this is why this is now my favourite race ever. They had COFFEE at the fueling station). The awards were handed out, and I had to laugh at the trophy I was handed as it was a gold-coloured Vulture/Turkey-ish bird, giving the thumbs up. I said goodbyes and thank-yous, then jogged to my car, where I promptly called mother with a race result update.
As i headed onto the hiway, I realized that traffic was still a mess, so I had to detour through about half a dozen Blink-And-You'll-Miss-It towns.
Finally made it to the gym at 1:15ish, where I cycled for 45 minutes to losen my legs up and watch some TLC on the new LCD screens.
Again, this was another one of those races where I felt that if i had suddenly got a flat tire, or someone said "No, you need to work at 7am", I would have nodded and given up the chance to run. It's mornings like today when i really question WHY i do it. What was the mental struggle i had this morning, compared to the past 2 races that I did (Nissan 10 mile and the Scotiabank 1/2 marathon). Was it just that it was so dark? So much colder now? Because i haven't stopped tending to a zillion other things that needed to be done since October began 13 days ago?
I wish i knew. I wish there was something that I could do that would negate this feeling of "Ugh, i just want to sleeeeep" when i get up to race. And it's only race days where i have this moment of second-thoughtedness. I can get up at 5am and run my 6 mile (or 10, depending on how fast I move in the mornings...) loop before I start work at 7. Maybe it's just the pressure... I HAVE to perform on these days. There is no stopping to tie a shoe, or adjust my bra. There is no potty-break possibility at the nearest Tim Hortons (which has now, unfortunately, become the one at Kingston and Lawrence...). This is just balls to the walls ( or perhaps ass to the grass?) running where type A personalities converge and try to run each other over. Yes, there is a large degree of comraderie. And we all laugh and joke about things later. But on the course, it's personal. Perhaps I'm not as competitive as I thought... or maybe it's just that I don't like having the option of other people beating me. I know there are many, MANY other runners that are in my same age group that could have kicked my ass on that course. They just weren't there... leaving that 1st place finish open for the taking... so I took it.
Ok... i'm starting to get into running politics, and right now, the P word is making my stomach turn. I think i'll just call it it a night now, so i can get up and run in 8 hours.
Just me and some Toots and the Maytals.
... they seem like they would be very laid-back runners.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Hustlin', Hustlin'...
I'll never be one to compete BECAUSE of someone... I'm embarking on this whole triathlon thing to see what i can do. To keep myself motivated to push further. I don't like coasting... I like evolving in everything I do. If my next race time isn't better, than I know I'm not working hard enough. But i like *encouragement*. So when Antonio came over to me the other day when I was on the treadmill, and asked "Scho, how are tings going wich you?" and i told him I clocked a 1:48 in my last half (My PB is 1:40... but since this was my longest race since breaking my hip, i was rather happy...). He looked at me and said "Jew know, you could... you have de condeeshoning to make 1:30."
I replied that that was my goal for May, and he nodded..."You can do eet." He then went back to his client, but his words made me increase the incline to 1.5 for my last two miles.
I am aware it takes a certain type of personality to want to compete in a solo sport... but really, what makes someone do it? Why do we stick to training schedules? Why do we get up at ungodly hours, go to work, get a 2nd workout in, and then fall asleep in our cottage cheese at night?
I'm thankful that my hours have changed @ the bank so i can get my workouts in a lot better. I'm excited to be dating someone who understands when I say "I have to run first, then we can go do something."
I have the option of a race this Saturday... and I'm thinking I should go. I love trail races, and this'll be a good 25k training run. I have a half-marathon Nov. 4th, and my long runs have been good, but not consistent. Races usually get my mojo pumping again... almost as much as words of encouragement from Antonio.
Anyway... that's my 1st post. I can't be bothered to lay out all sorts of things at this point, because I consider this a new relationship. I never blogged on a blog. I've kept facebook posts, and i've become a lot more comfortable with people reading my work. So just like in a relationship, things will come out and be discussed as this progresses.
Anyway... i have some serious heartburn (cause unknown...) and am going to go in hunt of some Rolaids.
Pace
I replied that that was my goal for May, and he nodded..."You can do eet." He then went back to his client, but his words made me increase the incline to 1.5 for my last two miles.
I am aware it takes a certain type of personality to want to compete in a solo sport... but really, what makes someone do it? Why do we stick to training schedules? Why do we get up at ungodly hours, go to work, get a 2nd workout in, and then fall asleep in our cottage cheese at night?
I'm thankful that my hours have changed @ the bank so i can get my workouts in a lot better. I'm excited to be dating someone who understands when I say "I have to run first, then we can go do something."
I have the option of a race this Saturday... and I'm thinking I should go. I love trail races, and this'll be a good 25k training run. I have a half-marathon Nov. 4th, and my long runs have been good, but not consistent. Races usually get my mojo pumping again... almost as much as words of encouragement from Antonio.
Anyway... that's my 1st post. I can't be bothered to lay out all sorts of things at this point, because I consider this a new relationship. I never blogged on a blog. I've kept facebook posts, and i've become a lot more comfortable with people reading my work. So just like in a relationship, things will come out and be discussed as this progresses.
Anyway... i have some serious heartburn (cause unknown...) and am going to go in hunt of some Rolaids.
Pace
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